Sexoholics Anonymous
by niki uchiha
Summary: Francis finds himself at a 'sexoholics anonymous' at the strong urging of the other nations but mostly Arthur. What could Francis have done that made the other want him to attend one of these meetings?


"What is your name?"

"Francis"

"And…"

"And…" the blond Frenchman signed, "and I'm a sexoholic."

"Very good, I'm Doctor Michaels" said the main at the head of the circle, "Now that we know your name, why don't you tell us all why you're here?" Francis stared at the man; he was probably in his late 40s and starting to bald. He had probably not been laid in awhile Francis figured which is why he leads these kind of groups.

"Some of my colleagues suggested that I tone down my supposedly inappropriate behavior. Hmmph," Francis crossed his arms, "I do not think there is anything wrong with my behavior and I am French after all." Francis looked around the room at the other supposed "sexoholics", most were unattractive (Arthur had convinced him to go because he told that these meeting were made up of former porn stars). Francis almost gagged at the sight of them, especially those who tried to dress like they were porn stars.

"Well sometimes cultural differences can be a source of the problem," Dr. Michaels glanced up and down Francis, "Especially when it involves public behavior." He paused and clicked his tongue, "For you to be here that means there must be more to it. Tell us Francis how long have you been in England?"

Francis almost started to chucked, but he stopped himself. He could not give away that he was France and that his lover was England, which would be an unnecessary breach of protocol. "I have live in England for about 5 years with my partner. This was all his idea."

"Many sexoholics seek treatment because of their spouses. Sexoholism can lead to tension in a relationship due to the addict putting too much pressure on their partner to perform or looking for other sources of sex such as through affairs or pornographic materials." He looked around the room and saw people nod. Francis was making a mental list of the cheaters, the perverts and the nymphomanics (they were probably the porn star wannabes).

"Judging by your appearing Francies," the doctor eyed him, "You seem like the type to have many affairs." He raised a disapproving eyebrow, "Am I correct?"

Francis laughed at the man, "Ha! You have me all wrong! I do not cheat on Arthur nor do I masturbate. I just enjoying expressing myself in a way you uptight Brits would not understand."

Dr. Michaels glared at Francis and raised both of his eyebrows, "Why don't you enlighten us all of the way you express yourself." Francis felt the daggers the doctor was sending at him, but Francis would not stand down.

"Well my colleagues and I have known each other for a very long time and we don't have things like human resources that deal with what you would term 'sexual harassment' as some of my colleagues would call it. By know well are all used to hitting on each other with some bad touching here and there. We have a broom closet dedicated to office romancing." Francis was smiling at the man, he knew that he was probably intriguing the man by describing such a place outside of the standard behavior the British display in the workplace. "Some of my colleagues have stated the don't like it when I sneak up on them so as of late I have decided to start yelling 'Surprise Sex' when I approach." Francis gave a chuckle and the smiled slyly and the Dr. Michaels who jaw was dropped.

"Do you still think I have a problem," Francis winked, "Docteur." Francis figured that he could just sweet (or naughty) talk his way out of this. He may even start a revolution by describing his lifestyle and he would be a hero. A real one, not like the kind Alfred always claimed to be.

While collecting himself Dr. Michaels was fake coughing, "Francis, are you aware that 'Surprise sex' is a failed euphemism for 'rape'?" Everyone in the room gasped and this time Francis' jaw hung low.

With this new realization on hand, the French processed to face palm himself, "Merde! Gilbert I'm going to kill you!" Francis cursed. After he calmed down he rose, "I believe me being here was just a cruel joke played by my partner and my now ex-best friend." Francis breathed deeply. "I would like to let you all know that there is nothing wrong with sex and sexual acts and you should embrace them, not shun them away!" Francis still tried to be a hero and with a quick look around the room it seems like no one cared too much for what he had to say after his story.

"Francis, if you believe you have learned your lesson you may leave. There are people here who need help, though I have to say you may need help with your general sexual behavior."

"Hmmph!" Francis stormed out of the room. When he left he found a laughing Arthur outside the door. "You know you could have just told me about the whole rape euphemism thing instead sending me to this terrible place!"

Arthur stopped laughing but his eyes were still watery. "Where would the fun be if I just told you? You probably would not have taken me seriously and besides me and Gilbert have a bet about how long you would last at one of these things. We've been waiting for the opportunity to bring you here and he found the perfect one. The good news is that I won the bet since you barely made it through half of the meeting."

Francis was about to strangle Arthur but just as he was about to pounce he changed his mind to make it work to his advantage. "Arthur…"

"Are you going to congratulate me for my brilliant plan? Though I do believe Gilbert deserves some credit…" Arthur saw the expression on Francis' face and decided that now would be the time to head for the door as a grin appeared on Francis' face. "Oh bloody hell no!"

"SURPRISE SEX!"


End file.
